Some thoughts

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and you can expect some future posts on paradigm shifts in the relatively near future. I'm starting to realize how many aspects of my life have been defined by my upbringing as a Fundamentalist Southern Baptist living in the Deep South, and I'm working on rethinking a crazy number of things. But that's not what's on my mind the most right now.

So here's the thing- since I walked away from my religion, I've always assumed/said that if it could be proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Christianity is true, then I would accept it and become a Christian. This seems, on the surface, pretty obvious, and it helps establish that I'm willing to listen to other points-of-view. But is it as "duh" as it seems?

As Richard Dawkins says in The God Delusion, "The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully." And one could make a strong argument that he doesn't get any better in the New Testament. (Random aside, how long before it stops bothering me to not capitalize pronouns referring to God?) So that being said, if I KNEW the Bible was true, and all of Christianity that goes with it is as well, would that mean I must be a Christian?

Because Christianity isn't just about saying, okay yeah, God does exist. I'd have to be willing to worship this god, and submit to him. I honestly am not sure I could ever bring myself to worship such a being. I'm not sure I'd want to. I know I'd hate myself for doing it. I've read a lot of things lately suggesting that if it were to turn out to all be true, we should start a rebellion/revolution. This is a whole story to that effect that I'm currently reading. It's pretty good so far, but it makes a lot of assumptions regarding whether we actually could fight back.

If I thought that fighting would make a difference, I would. But assuming a literal Biblical interpretation of God as omniscient, omnipotent, etc, I don't see how we could hope to accomplish anything. So I'm left wondering if there's any point to fighting back, while simultaneously wondering if I'd be able to submit. When one is under a totalitarian regime, it's worth fighting back, even at the risk of torture or death, because there's a chance the regime can be overthrown. If there is literally NO hope in accomplishing anything by resisting, is there any point? But then again, could I delude myself into genuinely worshiping such a god?

I always said I'd be a Christian if it was proven true, but I don't think so anymore. I can say for certain I wouldn't be an atheist anymore, since I'd know there was a God. But should I fight? Could I? Could I not?

An Open Call for Books

I've recently been feeling very conflicted on an issue. I honestly don't know how to reconcile the fact that I consider many, if not all, of the Christians in my life to be intelligent people with the fact that they are almost all Young Earth Christians, which I have found to be a completely untenable position from an intellectually honest point-of-view. Granted, I was one myself growing up, but only because I had assumed that my parents and family, who had told me it was true, were in fact well-informed on the issue. Many of them are well versed in apologetics, and made very convincing arguments. Since learning the facts on the issue led me to stop believing, I'm struggling with how people I respect can cling to their beliefs.

The question of Creationism is particularly bothersome, since I've never heard any actual justification beyond "the Bible says so" for believing in it. Everything I was taught, and everything I've read on the subject subsequently focused on disproving evolution, leaving one to assume that if evolution isn't true, then Creationism is the obvious alternative (which is obviously not true, there were atheists before evolution was discovered). So I put a request on Facebook for a book on the subject, specifically Lee Strobel's The Case For a Creator if possible. I'm very happy to say that this request was granted and I am now in possession of the book.

I want to make clear that I am not reading it because I'm having doubts about my nonbelief and am searching for some sort of answers. I just want to try to better understand where Creationists, particularly YEC's, are coming from. I'm not saying it's impossible that I could be convinced that I'm wrong, but it's so improbable as to be virtually impossible.

I also want to avoid any accusations that I'm guilty now of the same thing I was as a Christian- only reading books that support what I already believe. For my own sake and to protect my reputation, I want to be certain I'm as well-informed as possible.

Towards that end, I'd like to make a proposition. I will promise to read any books on theology that are given to me. Please note, books that are essentially devotionals will not be read, simply because I'm not interested in reading about how great and loving God is when I don't believe he exists to begin with. (Also, you're probably wasting your time with books that focus on philosophy and abstract concepts, just because I'm such a concrete thinker that they make about as much sense to me as the Voynich Manuscript.) I would also prefer not to borrow them, because I write in nonfiction books to help me slow down and process the information.

I already own the following, or have them in my possession because I borrowed them-
The Case for a Creator- Lee Strobel
The Case for the Real Jesus- Lee Strobel
The Face That Demonstrates the Farce of Evolution- Hank Hanegraaff
The Numinous Universe- Daniel Liderbach
The Creator and the Cosmos- Hugh Ross
Darwin's Black Box- Michael Behe

If anyone would like to provide a book that specifically rebuts an atheist book that I find convincing, here's a list of the ones I have- (these are also ones I'd highly recommend to anyone looking for good atheistic books)
The God Delusion- Richard Dawkins
Godless- Dan Barker
Why I Became an Atheist- John W. Loftus
50 Reasons People Give for Believing in a God- Guy P. Harrison
God: The Failed Hypothesis- Victor J. Stenger
Misquoting Jesus- Bart D. Ehrman
Why Darwin Matters- Michael Shermer
Why I Am Not a Christian- Bertrand Russell
The Bible Unearthed- Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman
Atheist Universe- David Mills
The Born Again Skeptic's Guide to the Bible- Ruth Hurmance Green
God is Not Great- Christopher Hitchens
Atheist Manifesto- Michael Onfray

I hope that no one thinks I'm out of line to be asking people to buy me books. I simply don't have the money, and would also like to have the ones that people find most convincing. I know there are a lot of people in my life who would rejoice to see me change my mind, so I'm offering them an opening to try to convince me. I honestly want to read them, so hopefully I'll be able to in the future.

"Coming Out"

This will just be a brief personal post, but I promise to update soon with something of more general interest. I just want to share my experience of "coming out," or at least how it's gone so far.

My early posts explain how I came to be an Atheist, after being raised fundamentalist Southern Baptist. When I wrote those, I had long ceased making any effort to pretend to be Christian, but hadn't actually come out and made it clear where I stand on religious issues. There are only one or two people in my family that are not strongly Christian, and I wasn't ready to deal with the risk of any fallout. I knew there wasn't any risk of being disowned or anything like that, but it's still not an easy issue to deal with. 

But in the last few weeks I started feeling increasingly dissatisfied with not being able to be honest and say what I'm thinking. Discussing various issues on child rearing with my cousin, who recently had her first baby, made it far too clear that when my husband and I start having kids, we are going to have to face up to the fact that my family won't be happy with how we raise them. Better, I decided, that we at least get past any initial problems with my non-belief before kids are in the picture. And, honestly, I thought it might be easier to handle while I'm still living 1100 miles away from them, rather than when we move home to have kids. 

So I wrote a "note" on Facebook, and linked to it in my status to be sure it was seen. Not the bravest way to handle it perhaps, but a hell of a lot easier than sending any sort of personal message to each individual person. Here's what I said-

"I’m sure many are already aware of this (probably more than I realize ^_^), as I haven’t made a vested effort to hide it or anything, but I’m starting to feel foolish for not having just come out and said it, so here it is. I am an Atheist, and have been for several years. If you have any questions, feel free to let me know here or privately if you prefer. I would ask that it remains civil and non-pushy. I won’t push my non-belief on anyone, I’d appreciate the same respect."

I also linked to the blog, to let people read my "de-conversion" story here, if they were interested in knowing more.

So far, the reaction has been good. A couple of people have made a point to tell me they still love me no matter what, etc. At least one family member, with the best of intentions, said some things I found rather offensive, but I can certainly choose to accept what was said in the spirit intended. I may go into it further in a post about Christian misconceptions of Atheists. I expect there may be more said when we go home next time, but I believe it'll be loving, not angry. I am concerned about how it will be handled when it comes to my siblings (ages 9 and 11), but hopefully I'll be allowed to be honest with them. 

So that's my story, so far. Coming out can be very scary, and I know there are people out there who have had to deal with much worse fallout. Hopefully someday we can work to change people's attitudes towards Atheism so no one has to fear telling their loved ones about such an important and personal decision. Thanks so much to my wonderful family for being so loving towards me, even though I know you are unhappy with my beliefs (or lack there of). ^_^

Quick Question

I'm thinking of attempting to do a post on the topic of evolution. Unfortunately, that's WAY too big to do all at once. So does anyone have any particular talking points on evolution they'd like to see discussed?

Noah's Ark, Part 2

Hello again. I apologize for not having updated in so long. I’ll probably always be a bit inconsistent about it, but I will try not to let it get that bad again.

Anyway, since I recently had some comments on the first post about Noah’s Ark, I thought today we could revisit the topic and present some new issues. Most of what I’ll be covering is more thoroughly covered on this site, which I’ve recommended before. It goes into MUCH more detail, as well as providing thorough documentation for their sources. But since it’s extremely long, and most of you probably just don’t care enough to read 40+ pages on the topic, I’ll cover the basics here. Any quotes are from the site, unless otherwise specified.

The first issue is the question of how Noah was actually able to physically build the ark. There were no ships in the time of Noah; at that time boats were little more than rafts. To even build a relatively small boat is a complicated process, and not something can simply sit down and do without proper planning and tools. Yet it would literally be beyond Noah’s (most likely a desert dweller) ability to even conceive of a ship as large as the ark. Put yourself in his shoes. He’d probably never seen even a two-story building, and there’s a good chance he’d never seen a boat. For that matter it’s possible he may have never seen a body of water large enough to understand the concept of a boat. Certainly there would be absolutely nothing man-made in his life to compare to the size of the ark. Yet he’s supposed to have been able, from the bare-bones instructions given to him by God (Genesis 6:14-16), to have planned and built a ship that was, based on the most conservative estimates, over three stories high, and half again as long as a football field. And he did it using tools that were primitive at best. “Noah would have needed a thorough education in naval architecture and in fields that would not arise for thousands of years such as physics, calculus, mechanics, and structural analysis.” How did he figure out how to build a sturdy frame for the ark, capable of withstanding the incredibly rough seas that would accompany a worldwide flood? (Well, actually a wooden boat of that size couldn’t, but we’ll get to that in a bit.) Where did he learn to properly weather treat the boards, and how to prevent the wood from rotting out from underneath him during they YEARS it would have taken to build something of that size? “Did the local reed-raft builder have equipment to steam heat a plank so it could be forced into the proper position?” And that doesn’t even begin to cover the question of how he was able to accommodate the needs of the individual animals, building cages that would allow them to be safely transported on rough seas for a year.

Then there’s the issue of the size of the ark. Quite simply, modern shipbuilders all agree that it is impossible to build an entirely wooden ship the size of the ark that is seaworthy. The largest modern wooden ship, the USS Wyoming, was only 110 meters (the ark was at least 135), and was never able to be used in open seas because of problems with constant leaks and the risk that it wouldn’t survive. Even relatively calm conditions can pose a threat to a ship that size, due to what is known as hogging and sagging, the effect on a beam when pressure is applied. Too much, and it’ll simply snap. And the seas during the flood, at least the initial stages, were almost definitely anything but calm. Waves created by the sort of torrential downpour and storms required, especially once the water got high enough for the waves to be uninterrupted by land, could easily have reached hundreds if not thousands of feet. Even the strongest modern boat would be unlikely to survive. Not to mention the poor hapless inhabitants of the ark. Were they all carefully strapped down, in whatever way their unique physiology required, to keep them from being dashed about in the storm and killed or injured?

Which bring us to the final point of the day. The sheer amount of water required to cover the entire earth. Firstly, where did it come from? There’s not even remotely enough water on the earth or in its atmosphere to come close. One estimate I read stated that the entirety of the moisture currently in our atmosphere would cover the whole earth to a depth of about an inch. Hebrew cosmology at the time the story was written claimed the earth was basically a dome resting on water with water above. By their belief, it was a simple matter for God to “open the floodgates of Heaven,” and cover the earth in water. In reality, it’s anything but simple, and none of my research has turned up any reasonable scientific explanation of where the water could have come from.

Secondly, the rate at which the rain would have to fall in order to cover the earth in the allotted 40 days. Estimates vary, but the general consensus is that it would have to be something on the order of 8-15 feet per hour, an unprecedented level. Not only has rain never been known to fall at this rate, this is considered more than enough to sink even a modern aircraft carrier.

And lastly, once the flood was over, where did the water go? Clearly it’s no longer here. Yet since we now know we are not, in fact, living in a dome resting on water, which would allow it to drain easily, we must find some way of disposing of it. Again, I’ve yet to see a probable explanation of this.

There are several other issues with the water question, but I’m not really equipped to explain them. This site provides a much more in-depth analysis of many of them. Also, I’ve read that the weight of all the extra water could actually have an effect on the astronomical position of the Earth, but since I’ve not seen anything else about it, I can’t consider that a valid point.

And so we have some more points against the literal interpretation of the Genesis flood story. Sorry if this has gone too long. There are still many, many more I haven’t mentioned, but I’ll leave those for another time.

More on morality

Another story on morality. This one takes a more aggressive stance. Having not read the book in question, I can't put forth an opinion, but here's the link.

Creation Day!

Okay, so this one is pretty darn offensive. But it's amusing so I'll link to it. So check it out- Happy Creation Day!