"Coming Out"

This will just be a brief personal post, but I promise to update soon with something of more general interest. I just want to share my experience of "coming out," or at least how it's gone so far.

My early posts explain how I came to be an Atheist, after being raised fundamentalist Southern Baptist. When I wrote those, I had long ceased making any effort to pretend to be Christian, but hadn't actually come out and made it clear where I stand on religious issues. There are only one or two people in my family that are not strongly Christian, and I wasn't ready to deal with the risk of any fallout. I knew there wasn't any risk of being disowned or anything like that, but it's still not an easy issue to deal with. 

But in the last few weeks I started feeling increasingly dissatisfied with not being able to be honest and say what I'm thinking. Discussing various issues on child rearing with my cousin, who recently had her first baby, made it far too clear that when my husband and I start having kids, we are going to have to face up to the fact that my family won't be happy with how we raise them. Better, I decided, that we at least get past any initial problems with my non-belief before kids are in the picture. And, honestly, I thought it might be easier to handle while I'm still living 1100 miles away from them, rather than when we move home to have kids. 

So I wrote a "note" on Facebook, and linked to it in my status to be sure it was seen. Not the bravest way to handle it perhaps, but a hell of a lot easier than sending any sort of personal message to each individual person. Here's what I said-

"I’m sure many are already aware of this (probably more than I realize ^_^), as I haven’t made a vested effort to hide it or anything, but I’m starting to feel foolish for not having just come out and said it, so here it is. I am an Atheist, and have been for several years. If you have any questions, feel free to let me know here or privately if you prefer. I would ask that it remains civil and non-pushy. I won’t push my non-belief on anyone, I’d appreciate the same respect."

I also linked to the blog, to let people read my "de-conversion" story here, if they were interested in knowing more.

So far, the reaction has been good. A couple of people have made a point to tell me they still love me no matter what, etc. At least one family member, with the best of intentions, said some things I found rather offensive, but I can certainly choose to accept what was said in the spirit intended. I may go into it further in a post about Christian misconceptions of Atheists. I expect there may be more said when we go home next time, but I believe it'll be loving, not angry. I am concerned about how it will be handled when it comes to my siblings (ages 9 and 11), but hopefully I'll be allowed to be honest with them. 

So that's my story, so far. Coming out can be very scary, and I know there are people out there who have had to deal with much worse fallout. Hopefully someday we can work to change people's attitudes towards Atheism so no one has to fear telling their loved ones about such an important and personal decision. Thanks so much to my wonderful family for being so loving towards me, even though I know you are unhappy with my beliefs (or lack there of). ^_^