Some thoughts

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and you can expect some future posts on paradigm shifts in the relatively near future. I'm starting to realize how many aspects of my life have been defined by my upbringing as a Fundamentalist Southern Baptist living in the Deep South, and I'm working on rethinking a crazy number of things. But that's not what's on my mind the most right now.

So here's the thing- since I walked away from my religion, I've always assumed/said that if it could be proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Christianity is true, then I would accept it and become a Christian. This seems, on the surface, pretty obvious, and it helps establish that I'm willing to listen to other points-of-view. But is it as "duh" as it seems?

As Richard Dawkins says in The God Delusion, "The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully." And one could make a strong argument that he doesn't get any better in the New Testament. (Random aside, how long before it stops bothering me to not capitalize pronouns referring to God?) So that being said, if I KNEW the Bible was true, and all of Christianity that goes with it is as well, would that mean I must be a Christian?

Because Christianity isn't just about saying, okay yeah, God does exist. I'd have to be willing to worship this god, and submit to him. I honestly am not sure I could ever bring myself to worship such a being. I'm not sure I'd want to. I know I'd hate myself for doing it. I've read a lot of things lately suggesting that if it were to turn out to all be true, we should start a rebellion/revolution. This is a whole story to that effect that I'm currently reading. It's pretty good so far, but it makes a lot of assumptions regarding whether we actually could fight back.

If I thought that fighting would make a difference, I would. But assuming a literal Biblical interpretation of God as omniscient, omnipotent, etc, I don't see how we could hope to accomplish anything. So I'm left wondering if there's any point to fighting back, while simultaneously wondering if I'd be able to submit. When one is under a totalitarian regime, it's worth fighting back, even at the risk of torture or death, because there's a chance the regime can be overthrown. If there is literally NO hope in accomplishing anything by resisting, is there any point? But then again, could I delude myself into genuinely worshiping such a god?

I always said I'd be a Christian if it was proven true, but I don't think so anymore. I can say for certain I wouldn't be an atheist anymore, since I'd know there was a God. But should I fight? Could I? Could I not?